Butt and Book Plug
From Sex in the Name of God:
Chapter 8: Of Beasts and Buttholes
I think we should get the bestiality suit out of the way right now. It wasn’t a goat. It was a sheep.
– Bob Newhart
If you wear an earring in your right ear . . . in England that means you’re gay. In Australia it’s when you’ve got your cock in another man’s ass.
– Steve Hughes
Besides blood, the other evil B’s the bible won’t tolerate are beasts and buttholes. But first, let’s talk words. The author of this book kept getting a spell-check error for “beastiality”. After doing some research, the writer has been schooled, but still thinks that “bestiality” appears to suggest behavior at its best. Go figure.
There is no leniency for sex with animals in the bible. However, the human anus is not an open and shut case. Penetration thereof is an enticing possibility with either gender, but rules seem to target homosexual men. While biblical laws say no, some stories scream yes.
The third book reveals the first law against butt bumpers.
Leviticus 18 22 You shall not lie with a man as with a woman. That is detestable.
Technically this isn’t possible as men don’t have vaginas, or at least they didn’t back then.
Leviticus 20 13 If a man lies with a male, as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon themselves.
It is unclear what practicing priests don’t understand about that passage.
This next passage is slightly concerning.
Judges 15 1 But after a while, in the time of wheat harvest, Samson visited his wife with a young goat. He said, “I will go in to my wife’s room.” But her father wouldn’t allow him to go in.
Hopefully this is poor sentence structure. Otherwise, that is just wrong.
This is but a small sampling of my snarkism with the ridiculous bible.
Sex in the Name of God is a wonderfully amusing read, and I can’t quite apologize for the shameless plug, Mr. President.
Extra credit of five points is due to those who recognize that reference.
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