Category Archives: Sarcasm
I hesitate to cite my source for the inspiration of this blog.
This ad . . . er um . . . article, by Judah and Chelsea Smith, is about getting folks back into religion, including brick and mortar churches. Unfortunately for those on the take, millennials and others prefer to experience the world on Sunday, rather than sit-in for some dude’s dialogue that distorts the disturbing bible into a random feel-good or doom-and-gloom speech.
So there I was redditting when I came across a diddy in Ezekiel 20 that amused me. Somehow, I missed including a good biblical passage into my book, Sex in the Name of God.
Ezekiel 23 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
There is a hint of jealousy regarding size, and God forbid women should get any big ideas.
This sounds like a true case of “penis envy,” a term coined by the famous Sigmund Freud wherein women don’t have penises; therefore they are envious of men.
Religious institutions, especially Catholicism, have not been kind to women. Nuns are very much on the decline because they weren’t taken care of as well as the men. Women also complain that the opportunity for rising up in the ranks is poor.
Having women in charge might fix a whole lotta messes.
Yet, it is beyond me why women would want to claw their way to the top of an organization that views them with less regard, is overly concerned with their vaginas, extols money, and molests children.
There must be something to be said about the connection between advertising and bowel obsession. Several years ago, commercials proclaimed the wonders of yogurt, which could assist in the gastrointestinal process of food going into the pie hole, and coming out of the brown eye. Thanks for the overly graphic anatomy lesson, but I was already in-the-know.
Recently, I was watching the boob tube, when an interesting commercial aired. A beautiful woman’s face filled the frame.
Spoiler alert: Pan out and we see that this woman is sitting on the toilet with her underwear around her ankles, which pretty much spoils any previous thoughts one might have had about this hot blonde.
Many solar eclipses ago, I knew a guy who always carried a towel. He was an employee of the father of a friend. Whenever he came around, he would always place his towel on a chair before sitting down.
Was this dude a character straight out of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? Besides this one obsession, he didn’t seem to exhibit any other OCD behaviors, and he didn’t seem like a neat freak. To the contrary, he was usually somewhat disheveled and more than a little sweaty.
So one day, I finally ask the guy: “Why do you always sit on a towel?”
This news item was pure comedy. Three people have been convicted for their membership in a Neo-Nazi white supremacy group. Two of them had a child together and named the kid “Adolf” after their revered idol.
Proud father, Adam Thomas, has the right white name, with blue eyes to match. The mother, Claudia Patatas, might only be able to pass the white trash test.
Next we learn of a fourteen year age gap. Perhaps someone has taken advantage of someone else. Thomas, age 22, who has a quick eye for determining who has the white right, versus Patatas, age 38, who has the ability to make a man turn a blind eye.
In doing research for my book, Sex in the Name of God, I happened across some interesting words and ways.
For bible tidbits regarding homosexuality, which got lumped into the chapter called Beasts and Buttholes, I frequently did synonym searches for homosexual and gay, as well as penis and balls. The results list was staggering and more than amusing.
Of course fag and faggot made the grade. Older folks might recall common usage of the word fag to be a cigarette (drag a fag), and faggot was a bundle of sticks.
The blurby follows, but the basic gist is that Sheikh Saad Al-Hijri, a preacher type dude, said that women can’t drive because their brain is one quarter the size of a man’s brain.
This guy is fricking brilliant. I’d like to take him out for a picnic sometime, so I can pick his brain.
Dumb is dumb, and this applies to all persons. I’d actually like to tell this guy that the next time he is saying stupid shit, please leave the rest of us out of it.
Excerpt from Sex in the Name of God
Chapter 2 – The Penis Pact: A Confusing Cock Tale
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams
It’s a dick; it’s not a jack-o’-lantern. – Joe Rogan
The prized possession of every male was a hot topic in the bible. Religious arguments for and against circumcision also incorporated racism and politics into the plight of the pecker.
Let’s find out which brainiac first came up with the proposition of altering the aesthetics of a man’s ding-a-ling.
The word: boinked. Do tell. What came to mind?
Let’s check usage by reviewing a great book with regards to the Bible’s Cain and Eve dilemma:
Another ordeal involving fruit caused the jealous Cain to kill Abel. Only three people are in existence when we are slammed with a major hole in the plot.
Genesis 4:17 Cain knew his wife. She conceived, and gave birth to Enoch.
Either another woman was created, or Cain boinked his mom.
Theologists can spin their way out of many disturbing situations because they have a few things working in their favor. The good book frequently presents a story and then later retells it with different details. Another ongoing dilemma is that ladies are lucky to get a name mention, let alone any mention. This makes figuring out context and a timeline very difficult especially since early humans lived for hundreds of years, probably due to extremely healthy lifestyles outside of murder.