I am still in the process of writing my book and one chapter is going to be about semen.
As such, I happened upon a Wikipedia article about the subject. I thought I might be clever and blog about silly ideas regarding semen from famous folks such as Aristotle and Freud. Oh no. . I’ll have to save that for later.
I found some new words, and since I am always interested in furthering my education, I had to click on these words to discover their meanings. Meanings that can’t be unclicked, and words that can’t be unlearned.
Snowballing
I wish I could say this is the practice of throwing snowballs at one another. It isn’t. It is the oral transfer of a sticky white substance from the source to a third person’s mouth. I suppose this could be spun as conservation of energy or even maximization of profit. No harm.
Creampie
No, this isn’t your grandmother’s delicious cream pie. And after reading this, you don’t want it to be. This is the act of sucking said milky substance out of the baby maker. This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, “No Deposit, No Return.” I hereby apologize if a disturbing image came to mind, but in the truest sense of this new word, no foul.
Felching
This word doesn’t even sound pleasant. Filth, filch and wretch come to mind just by phonic association. As it turns out, the sound and the meaning aren’t too far apart. This is the act of sucking the anal sphincter.
Now that my vocabulary has increased, I feel it is only fair to impart some much needed anatomical knowledge with the reading public as well as the anal suckers, which are not necessarily separate groups of people.
Don’t think I don’t appreciate the colon. It is truly a marvelous thing. Its claim to fame is water reclamation. But don’t let us downplay the numerous other substances that reside in the colon including E. Coli in and among the . . . um . . . how shall I put it. . . . shit. . . poop. . . dung. . . fecal matter. . . all waiting in a holding area where the ultimate release is governed by the anal sphincter.
Or not.
Don’t pretend you haven’t heard of or personally experienced sphinky leakage at some point in your life. This can occur even without the application of suction.
Tis better to give than to receive.
In the case of felching, we might need to rethink what is being given and what is being received. The phrase “eating shit” used to mean having an accident, but not the rectal kind. How times have changed. The next time you pucker up your lips and attach them to a similarly puckered up anus, all I can say is . . .
Be careful what you wish for.
Wilfred Knight
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