Tag Archives: #bible
So there I was redditting when I came across a diddy in Ezekiel 20 that amused me. Somehow, I missed including a good biblical passage into my book, Sex in the Name of God.
Ezekiel 23 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
There is a hint of jealousy regarding size, and God forbid women should get any big ideas.
This sounds like a true case of “penis envy,” a term coined by the famous Sigmund Freud wherein women don’t have penises; therefore they are envious of men.
Religious institutions, especially Catholicism, have not been kind to women. Nuns are very much on the decline because they weren’t taken care of as well as the men. Women also complain that the opportunity for rising up in the ranks is poor.
Having women in charge might fix a whole lotta messes.
Yet, it is beyond me why women would want to claw their way to the top of an organization that views them with less regard, is overly concerned with their vaginas, extols money, and molests children.
Many solar eclipses ago, I knew a guy who always carried a towel. He was an employee of the father of a friend. Whenever he came around, he would always place his towel on a chair before sitting down.
Was this dude a character straight out of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? Besides this one obsession, he didn’t seem to exhibit any other OCD behaviors, and he didn’t seem like a neat freak. To the contrary, he was usually somewhat disheveled and more than a little sweaty.
So one day, I finally ask the guy: “Why do you always sit on a towel?”
Excerpt from Sex in the Name of God
Chapter 2 – The Penis Pact: A Confusing Cock Tale
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams
It’s a dick; it’s not a jack-o’-lantern. – Joe Rogan
The prized possession of every male was a hot topic in the bible. Religious arguments for and against circumcision also incorporated racism and politics into the plight of the pecker.
Let’s find out which brainiac first came up with the proposition of altering the aesthetics of a man’s ding-a-ling.
The word: boinked. Do tell. What came to mind?
Let’s check usage by reviewing a great book with regards to the Bible’s Cain and Eve dilemma:
Another ordeal involving fruit caused the jealous Cain to kill Abel. Only three people are in existence when we are slammed with a major hole in the plot.
Genesis 4:17 Cain knew his wife. She conceived, and gave birth to Enoch.
Either another woman was created, or Cain boinked his mom.
Theologists can spin their way out of many disturbing situations because they have a few things working in their favor. The good book frequently presents a story and then later retells it with different details. Another ongoing dilemma is that ladies are lucky to get a name mention, let alone any mention. This makes figuring out context and a timeline very difficult especially since early humans lived for hundreds of years, probably due to extremely healthy lifestyles outside of murder.
Hopefully this is the closest I will ever come to having this type of footage available online. My book, Sex in the Name of God, is complete and available for purchase.
After looking into some options, I felt an explainer video was needed. People need to understand this book covers real bible passages in a humorous fashion, because scripture is often ridiculous when it comes to the subject of sex and human relations.
Off to a cheapo website I went looking for entrepreneurs. After contacting a few folks who said, oh hell no, I posted an inquiry. Out of the responses, I purchased several, knowing full well my money might go down the toilet.
Religion intrigues me because a small group of people who follow a leader, and ascribe to certain practices, is often viewed as a cult. Add in millions of people and suddenly this is a norm.
I had never read the bible before. Besides wanting to know what people were really following, I was curious to learn about the basics. How would sex and politics be treated within a religious guideline? Well, I found out.
The bible: Wow. It’s disturbing.
Putting all murder and mayhem aside, I can now say that if you like sex, and lots of it, then the bible is for you. There was more than enough material to write a book about the juiciest parts; a whooping 197 pages.
Al Franken’s political career: Over. Could he go back to comedy? Probably not.
Bill Maher, known for comedy, is in hot water for reenacting Al Franken’s picture of mock-u-groping a fellow comedian. Mr. Franken’s picture was with a woman, Leeann Tweeden while Mr. Maher’s pic was with Bob Saget.
Aha, a role reversal. What could it mean? Is this political comedy or victim shaming? Does it make fun of women’s rights?
Women have a hard time being on the same par as men when they are breaking into areas where men are in power. I get it.
We all know about the daily heartbreak families go through: horrible accidents, disease, genocide. But let’s think larger.
We have come to understand dinosaurs, volcanoes, early humans, rainbows and eclipses, thunder and lightning, even plate tectonics. But we just can’t give up on God. We have chosen blind faith and are able to overlook so many discrepancies such as how old the earth is, and the evidence of the relatively short-lived existence of humans on our planet.
People used to believe that the sun orbited earth and that the earth was flat. Today we have the car, the microwave, and the computer.
Men and women are obsessed with the penis. Thousands of years obsessed.
I’m happy to announce that after having gathered my notes from penis reading in the Bible I have started my book! Don’t worry – there will be lots of other fun stuff, facts, Americana, maybe some famous turn-of-the-century philosophies inspired by cocaine.
Penis talk begins in Genesis 17 with the verse title actually and factually, really called “Abraham and the Covenant of Circumcision.” There is serious obsession and debate throughout the good book that even falls back on itself about whether or not one should be circumcised.