Tag Archives: #bible
Today’s religious holiday stems from the bible to include murder and a meal for circumcised men. Yeah, it’s weird.
God was angry with the Egyptian Pharaoh for not releasing Israelite slaves and afflicted punishment in the form of ten plagues. The Passover was plague number ten.
From Sex in the Name of God, Chapter 2: The Penis Pact
Great detail was given about how to select, prepare, and cook a lamb.
Exodus 12 43 The LORD said to Moses and Aaron, “This is the ordinance of the Passover. No foreigner shall eat of it, 44 but every man’s servant who is bought for money, when you have circumcised him, then shall he eat of it. 45 A foreigner and a hired servant shall not eat of it. 46 It must be eaten in one house. You shall not carry any of the meat outside of the house. Do not break any of its bones. 47 All the congregation of Israel shall keep it. 48 When a stranger lives as a foreigner with you, and would like to keep the Passover to the LORD, let all his males be circumcised, and then let him come near and keep it. He shall be as one who is born in the land; but no uncircumcised person shall eat of it.”
I hesitate to cite my source for the inspiration of this blog.
This ad . . . er um . . . article, by Judah and Chelsea Smith, is about getting folks back into religion, including brick and mortar churches. Unfortunately for those on the take, millennials and others prefer to experience the world on Sunday, rather than sit-in for some dude’s dialogue that distorts the disturbing bible into a random feel-good or doom-and-gloom speech.
I’m not OCD and I’m not a hypochondriac, but the practice of communion is questionable.
First, a cute story. As a child, I went to church with one of my friends. My family wasn’t into the church thing, so I had no clue what was going on. At some point all of the people rose from their seats and went down to the front to get a little goodie. My friend’s mother told me to stay in my chair. This made me angry.
When I got home, I told my mom that everyone had snack except for me. Later, my friend’s mom called to explain that she withheld me from communion because I wasn’t a member of the church. She said she felt bad and wished she had let me participate. It turns out I may have dodged a bullet.
So there I was redditting when I came across a diddy in Ezekiel 20 that amused me. Somehow, I missed including a good biblical passage into my book, Sex in the Name of God.
Ezekiel 23 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
There is a hint of jealousy regarding size, and God forbid women should get any big ideas.
This sounds like a true case of “penis envy,” a term coined by the famous Sigmund Freud wherein women don’t have penises; therefore they are envious of men.
Religious institutions, especially Catholicism, have not been kind to women. Nuns are very much on the decline because they weren’t taken care of as well as the men. Women also complain that the opportunity for rising up in the ranks is poor.
Having women in charge might fix a whole lotta messes.
Yet, it is beyond me why women would want to claw their way to the top of an organization that views them with less regard, is overly concerned with their vaginas, extols money, and molests children.
Many solar eclipses ago, I knew a guy who always carried a towel. He was an employee of the father of a friend. Whenever he came around, he would always place his towel on a chair before sitting down.
Was this dude a character straight out of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? Besides this one obsession, he didn’t seem to exhibit any other OCD behaviors, and he didn’t seem like a neat freak. To the contrary, he was usually somewhat disheveled and more than a little sweaty.
So one day, I finally ask the guy: “Why do you always sit on a towel?”
Excerpt from Sex in the Name of God
Chapter 2 – The Penis Pact: A Confusing Cock Tale
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams
It’s a dick; it’s not a jack-o’-lantern. – Joe Rogan
The prized possession of every male was a hot topic in the bible. Religious arguments for and against circumcision also incorporated racism and politics into the plight of the pecker.
Let’s find out which brainiac first came up with the proposition of altering the aesthetics of a man’s ding-a-ling.
The word: boinked. Do tell. What came to mind?
Let’s check usage by reviewing a great book with regards to the Bible’s Cain and Eve dilemma:
Another ordeal involving fruit caused the jealous Cain to kill Abel. Only three people are in existence when we are slammed with a major hole in the plot.
Genesis 4:17 Cain knew his wife. She conceived, and gave birth to Enoch.
Either another woman was created, or Cain boinked his mom.
Theologists can spin their way out of many disturbing situations because they have a few things working in their favor. The good book frequently presents a story and then later retells it with different details. Another ongoing dilemma is that ladies are lucky to get a name mention, let alone any mention. This makes figuring out context and a timeline very difficult especially since early humans lived for hundreds of years, probably due to extremely healthy lifestyles outside of murder.
Hopefully this is the closest I will ever come to having this type of footage available online. My book, Sex in the Name of God, is complete and available for purchase.
After looking into some options, I felt an explainer video was needed. People need to understand this book covers real bible passages in a humorous fashion, because scripture is often ridiculous when it comes to the subject of sex and human relations.
Off to a cheapo website I went looking for entrepreneurs. After contacting a few folks who said, oh hell no, I posted an inquiry. Out of the responses, I purchased several, knowing full well my money might go down the toilet.
Religion intrigues me because a small group of people who follow a leader, and ascribe to certain practices, is often viewed as a cult. Add in millions of people and suddenly this is a norm.
I had never read the bible before. Besides wanting to know what people were really following, I was curious to learn about the basics. How would sex and politics be treated within a religious guideline? Well, I found out.
The bible: Wow. It’s disturbing.
Putting all murder and mayhem aside, I can now say that if you like sex, and lots of it, then the bible is for you. There was more than enough material to write a book about the juiciest parts; a whooping 197 pages.