Tag Archives: #comedy
I received this ominous and unscrupulous email, which was in my inbox, to me, from me, without the pictures as follows:
I have bad news for you.
19/07/2018 – on this day I hacked your operating system and got full access to your account.
It is useless to change the password, my malware intercepts it every time.
How it was:
In the software of the router to which you were connected that day, there was a vulnerability. I first hacked this router and placed my malicious code on it.
When you entered in the Internet, my trojan was installed on the operating system of your device.
There must be something to be said about the connection between advertising and bowel obsession. Several years ago, commercials proclaimed the wonders of yogurt, which could assist in the gastrointestinal process of food going into the pie hole, and coming out of the brown eye. Thanks for the overly graphic anatomy lesson, but I was already in-the-know.
Recently, I was watching the boob tube, when an interesting commercial aired. A beautiful woman’s face filled the frame.
Spoiler alert: Pan out and we see that this woman is sitting on the toilet with her underwear around her ankles, which pretty much spoils any previous thoughts one might have had about this hot blonde.
Many solar eclipses ago, I knew a guy who always carried a towel. He was an employee of the father of a friend. Whenever he came around, he would always place his towel on a chair before sitting down.
Was this dude a character straight out of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? Besides this one obsession, he didn’t seem to exhibit any other OCD behaviors, and he didn’t seem like a neat freak. To the contrary, he was usually somewhat disheveled and more than a little sweaty.
So one day, I finally ask the guy: “Why do you always sit on a towel?”
As per my last blog, I promised my creative efforts improved when it came to video making.
Since I am making a comedic stab at the bible, I would like to quote from my book at the end of chapter one, which is called Nudity and Incest. This not only shows the humor you are in for, but the not so one-sided approach I took upon representing the juiciest tidbits regarding sexual relations in the bible.
Since the creation of man, there have been issues involving nudity, gender roles, sex, murder, incest, genocide, and drunkenness, which unfolded in that order. All we really know, and a sound argument against evolution, is that not much has changed.
Religion intrigues me because a small group of people who follow a leader, and ascribe to certain practices, is often viewed as a cult. Add in millions of people and suddenly this is a norm.
I had never read the bible before. Besides wanting to know what people were really following, I was curious to learn about the basics. How would sex and politics be treated within a religious guideline? Well, I found out.
The bible: Wow. It’s disturbing.
Putting all murder and mayhem aside, I can now say that if you like sex, and lots of it, then the bible is for you. There was more than enough material to write a book about the juiciest parts; a whooping 197 pages.
Regarding the Hawaiian missile false alarm, we mainlanders can’t appreciate the scare these people went thru. Imagine receiving texts not only from the government but then family and loves ones regarding an incoming death threat.
Porn abort. The sky is falling. You can run around like a chicken with its head cut off, but it’s time to stop choking the chicken. #Timesup for real.
Thank goodness said panic attack was all for naught. Hawaiians, as the rest of us would, took in a deep breath, exhaled a huge sigh of relief, and returned to porn.
Am I the only guy that has an odd inseam?
At stores and online, jeans tend to have even inseams. That might not be so bad if we were on the metric system, but this jump takes me from high water nerd to a sloppy slob in two inches.
Yeah, I have found an occasional odd inseam which lengthens my arousal, but then I am quickly funneled into a lack of style and color choice or to something that is way too expensive. I am down to two choices at best.
The same can also be said about waist sizes that are slightly off. Your next two inch choice could mean the difference between the sixties and plumber’s butt.
Hey rural Americans, did you know that you are “the core threat to our democracy,” according to dumbass journalist Joy Reid? She lives in New York City. Get a rope.
There are others afoot, but I’m gonna stick with this lady’s hypocrisy. What comes out of her mouth amounts to a hill of beans.
Guess what, Joy Reid? Rural America is the backbone of our nation.
When rural folk are upset with the political establishment, they don’t run around like whiny bitches looting and damaging businesses and personal property within their own community. They know the community they live in must be depended upon for support.
People are way over thinking sexuality. You are confusing yourselves and others with the Ze and Zir thing. I still think it’s an affront to truly transgender persons.
That’s great that you are adding words to the dictionary. Who doesn’t love new definitions? For schizzle my nizzle.
However, I Wilfred, am here to help everyone get back to basics.
I will agree that the English language is limited and sexist. There is sir for men which means you don’t know if that guy is married or not, what parts he has, and who he wants to have sex with. Then there is miss, missus or Mrs., truly misogynistic as we know nothing of their parts or sexuality, except that these women are single or married. Even Ms. was revised but it backfired as people thought she was an unmarried female who didn’t want to be known as such.
Venezuela, we have a problem. The populace is experiencing a food shortage for reasons you are free to research.
Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro has a program to help feed the poor called “Rabbit Plan.” The government is actually handing out rabbits for the people to raise and eat, because rabbits breed like rabbits.
The people have taken in these rabbits. . . only to turn them into cute pets that require food, water, and maintenance. This popular new pet program was not and is not the intent of the President and the Venezuelan government to help the public fight hunger.