Tag Archives: #humor
I received this ominous and unscrupulous email, which was in my inbox, to me, from me, without the pictures as follows:
I have bad news for you.
19/07/2018 – on this day I hacked your operating system and got full access to your account.
It is useless to change the password, my malware intercepts it every time.
How it was:
In the software of the router to which you were connected that day, there was a vulnerability. I first hacked this router and placed my malicious code on it.
When you entered in the Internet, my trojan was installed on the operating system of your device.
There must be something to be said about the connection between advertising and bowel obsession. Several years ago, commercials proclaimed the wonders of yogurt, which could assist in the gastrointestinal process of food going into the pie hole, and coming out of the brown eye. Thanks for the overly graphic anatomy lesson, but I was already in-the-know.
Recently, I was watching the boob tube, when an interesting commercial aired. A beautiful woman’s face filled the frame.
Spoiler alert: Pan out and we see that this woman is sitting on the toilet with her underwear around her ankles, which pretty much spoils any previous thoughts one might have had about this hot blonde.
Many solar eclipses ago, I knew a guy who always carried a towel. He was an employee of the father of a friend. Whenever he came around, he would always place his towel on a chair before sitting down.
Was this dude a character straight out of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? Besides this one obsession, he didn’t seem to exhibit any other OCD behaviors, and he didn’t seem like a neat freak. To the contrary, he was usually somewhat disheveled and more than a little sweaty.
So one day, I finally ask the guy: “Why do you always sit on a towel?”
As per my last blog, I promised my creative efforts improved when it came to video making.
Since I am making a comedic stab at the bible, I would like to quote from my book at the end of chapter one, which is called Nudity and Incest. This not only shows the humor you are in for, but the not so one-sided approach I took upon representing the juiciest tidbits regarding sexual relations in the bible.
Since the creation of man, there have been issues involving nudity, gender roles, sex, murder, incest, genocide, and drunkenness, which unfolded in that order. All we really know, and a sound argument against evolution, is that not much has changed.
Religion intrigues me because a small group of people who follow a leader, and ascribe to certain practices, is often viewed as a cult. Add in millions of people and suddenly this is a norm.
I had never read the bible before. Besides wanting to know what people were really following, I was curious to learn about the basics. How would sex and politics be treated within a religious guideline? Well, I found out.
The bible: Wow. It’s disturbing.
Putting all murder and mayhem aside, I can now say that if you like sex, and lots of it, then the bible is for you. There was more than enough material to write a book about the juiciest parts; a whooping 197 pages.
Am I the only guy that has an odd inseam?
At stores and online, jeans tend to have even inseams. That might not be so bad if we were on the metric system, but this jump takes me from high water nerd to a sloppy slob in two inches.
Yeah, I have found an occasional odd inseam which lengthens my arousal, but then I am quickly funneled into a lack of style and color choice or to something that is way too expensive. I am down to two choices at best.
The same can also be said about waist sizes that are slightly off. Your next two inch choice could mean the difference between the sixties and plumber’s butt.