Excerpt from Sex in the Name of God
Chapter 2 – The Penis Pact: A Confusing Cock Tale
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams
It’s a dick; it’s not a jack-o’-lantern. – Joe Rogan
The prized possession of every male was a hot topic in the bible. Religious arguments for and against circumcision also incorporated racism and politics into the plight of the pecker.
Let’s find out which brainiac first came up with the proposition of altering the aesthetics of a man’s ding-a-ling.
God appeared before Abraham in the book of Genesis and promised him the world.
Genesis 17 6 I will make you exceedingly fruitful, and I will make nations of you. Kings will come out of you. 7 I will establish my covenant between me and you and your offspring after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God to you and to your offspring after you. 8 I will give to you, and to your offspring after you, the land where you are travelling, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession. I will be their God.
Okay, it’s a deal. Wait, what’s the catch?
Genesis 17 9 God said to Abraham, “As for you, you shall keep my covenant, you and your offspring after you throughout their generations. 10 This is my covenant, which you shall keep, between me and you and your offspring after you. Every male amongst you shall be circumcised. 11 You shall be circumcised in the flesh of your foreskin. It will be a token of the covenant between me and you.”
It was God who first said, “Give me some skin, my man,” and he wasn’t referring to a type of handshake. The argument about a hypocritical God who created imperfect men falls to the wayside if this is viewed as a power play. There is no better way to find out how obedient a guy is than by testing his willingness to cut the most sensitive part on his body.
Genesis 17 12 He who is eight days old shall be circumcised amongst you, every male throughout your generations, he who is born in the house, or bought with money from any foreigner who is not of your offspring. 13 He who is born in your house, and he who is bought with your money, must be circumcised. My covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant. 14 The uncircumcised male who is not circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin, that soul shall be cut off from his people. He has broken my covenant.
It isn’t difficult to understand Abraham’s acceptance of God’s profitable penis proposition, but one would think pitching this new fad to others would be a hard sell. It wasn’t.
Genesis 17 23 Abraham took Ishmael his son, all who were born in his house, and all who were bought with his money: every male amongst the men of Abraham’s house, and circumcised the flesh of their foreskin in the same day, as God had said to him. 24 Abraham was ninety-nine years old when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.
Hordes of males, young and old, lined up for biblical manscaping by grandpa and his unsterile flint.
. . .
Wilfred Knight
Author of Sex in the Name of God
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