Why I Can’t Do Action Movies

Been there, done that. I can no longer enjoy a movie where elements are so similar I don’t feel like I’m in for any plot surprises. I’m annoyed watching it go down.

The Good Guy: He is smart, handsome, and strong. When faced with twenty assassins, all coming at him from different directions at the same time, he can kill each one quickly. One karate chop to the neck, one head twist, one kick to the abdomen, and voila, all dead. But then there’s the really bad guy, who for some reason becomes a ten minute brawl, until the good guy prevails or the bad guy gets away. If this happens toward the end of the movie, it might turn out that the bad guy isn’t really dead. He rises for his final attempt of murder, and is killed again; and maybe even again and again.

Guns: The same scenario is true when Mr. Good Guy is loaded with weaponry and manages to kill three hundred dudes who all have AK-47’s. Then there is the supposed intensity of a person pointing a gun at someone’s face. Shouting ensues, and it is decided the gun should be cocked as if pulling back the hammer makes the scene more intense. I also greatly enjoy watching someone eject a live round as if the gun is now “more ready”.

Car chases: My eyes roll back into my head and I check my watch. How long will this last? 5 minutes, 10 minutes . . . Oh no . . . Not fifteen minutes!

The Sword Sound: When a sword is removed from a metal encasement, a screeching sound is heard. Unfortunately this same sound is heard in action movies even when a sword or a knife is removed from a leather encasement. My favorite is when a guy is holding an unsheathed weapon at his side and upon raising it, the sword sound is heard. Arrgh!

As for the ending, guess what? The good guy wins. There are only a couple of variables up in the air. The hero will either win the beautiful woman, or we will feel sorry for him because she dies. There could be also be a cliffhanger which gives away the fact that a sequel will be made. It might as well be entitled, “Lather, Rinse, Repeat.”

Have you seen this movie?

Wilfred Knight

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