Step 1. Publicly declare your covidiot reasons for not getting the vaccine to all your loved ones. This gives others the opportunity to educate your dumbass, but at the very least, lets them know what the hell you were thinking prior to death, or at least prior to covid. (Oddly, some people change their minds about the vax between contracting covid and contracting death.)
Step 2. Have all your legal documents in order. Don’t leave it up to the state to decide who will have custody of your children or who will inherit any monies, er um, debts, including a massive bill for your medical expenses. Life insurance is a no-brainer here; but so was getting the vaccine.
Step 3. Make a Go-Bag. This is the bag of necessities you will need when your hypocritical ass goes to the hospital for treatment. This should include a cell phone and cell phone charger so you can speak to your friends and family, because you might not ever see them again. You can bring your bible, but that line of thinking didn’t help you realize that God created a miracle that you refused.
Step 4. Don’t play doctor. You, who didn’t want any crap put into your body, will suddenly insist on having all sorts of unproven shit pumped into your system. Just remember that your doctors didn’t go to internet meme school, and you didn’t go to medical school.
Step 5. Find some freaking manners. Don’t dawg on the healthcare providers. Please, and thank you. It’s not easy for them to watch the demise of idiots in action. Treat your caregivers nicely and they might end up in tears. Berate them and they might end up thinking . . . good riddance, asshole. Please understand that these same doctors and nurses will be making those final phones call to your significant other. Thank you.
Step 6. Reconcile your social media. Will you still post, delete, or change your anti-vax views. In making this decision, consider your last post to be a possible tombstone engraving. Will your last comments be dead right or dead wrong?
Step 7. Stay focused. As you come to grips with the severe reality of your situation, stand your bedridden ground. Ignore the fact that your basic biologic bag of bones needs oxygen to survive, which is now struggling to make its way into your bloodstream due to gunked-up covid lungs. Whether you live or die now doesn’t matter. Focus on your fight for personal rights, including your right to freedom that brought you to this point in the first place.
“I could have had a sore arm for a couple of days, but this is so much better.” – Anonymous Redditor
Author of Sex In the Name of God